What Came Before Does Not Define The Future

I'm a big fan of using famous quotes from people far smarter than me to draw inspiration from and help inspire others. Recently I came across a tremendous quote from Emerson when trying to send Kim some positive thoughts for the Timberman triathlon.

"Be not the slave of your own past.

Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far,

so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power,

with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old."

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

For some reason when I came across that quote it spoke volumes to me, much in the same way the "Man In The Glass," poem I posted last year did. But this Emerson quote can be applied so directly to my life, and many others right now that I had thought about it all weekend. As I embark on my second and final year at Darden, search for my post-MBA job in a field far different than the one I had thought I would love, and train for my second Ironman I realized that good or bad, our past does not define what we can accomplish in the future.

Prior to coming to business school I had obtained a Master's in Political Science and truly believed a job in emerging market investments could be a career path I would be passionate about. However, after a summer working in it, I realize that because I have had academic success in the study of political economy does not mean I need to focus my efforts so narrowly. That by being a slave to my academic past I was not being true to myself and would never become professional or personally fulfilled by looking at that industry alone.

Although I had a tremendously successful first year at Darden, I cannot think that the same effort will afford me the same success this year. I can be proud of my past accomplishments, but must realize that past success does not dictate future success. I must continue to broaden my experience, and swim deeper into the Darden community so that my second year surpasses my first year no matter how incredible my first year was.

As I train for my second Ironman, I realize that the struggles I had at IMLP, the learning process I went through with diabetes does not need to be repeated. I can take that information, put it in my back pocket as I plunge into my IMCDA training. With each new struggle, with each new disappointment, with each new experience and with each new triumph I am growing as a triathlete and getting better. Past disappointments do not mean I will have results that do not live up to my (admittedly high) expectations in the future, but give me motivation to train harder than I ever have before. Use the fuel of my past experience as motivation for the future, but never forget to enjoy every second I am training, because I am one of the lucky few who can challenge myself in the way that I do.

In short each new day and each new challenge gives the opportunity to dive deeper into life; and while new experiences are born through the old, they are not defined by the old. With each new opportunity we all have a chance to move forward, to redefine what is possible and to create our own path. The only requirement is the willingness to dive headfirst into the challenge or day, embrace it and enjoy it. That is a lesson I've learned from diabetes and one that has let me gain new knowledge and power in so much that I have faced.

Introspective

For the past 4 days I have worked on nothing but my MBA application essays. Writing about where I have come from and where I want to go caused a great deal of self reflection and soul searching. After finishing my Darden initial drafts it was amazing to me how diabetes nearly destroyed all I had worked for last year.

When I applied to grad school last year I felt my essays lacked focus, the motivated, intense individual that I have proven msyelf to be was not apparent in my writing. Its as if the physiological changes my body was going through created an individual who was filled with self doubt. When writing I felt like I had constant writter's block, the words were jumbled on the screen and the ideas that were in my head seemed trapped. This unfortunately caused me to lash out at a person who I cared tremendously about.

Over the course of the year before I was diagnosed I didn't understand why I would pass out after having a beer with a friend, feel as if I was going to throw up after a large meal or start sweating profusely during a movie. I didn't understand why it would take me weeks on end to write an essay about what I wanted out of my lfie. And I certainly didn't understand why I kept pushing the girl whom I loved out of my life.

As I wrote this weekend I realized all that, I realized the challenges I have overcome in the past year. I realized how I have grown as a human, how I have matured and how I am overcoming the biggest hurdle in my life. All those mornings that I couldn't muster the energy to get out of bed, all those shouting matches I got into with people who I loved and all the heart ache that it caused afterwards was mainly due to the monster I had become because of the changes my body was going through.

I have returned to myself. I am an athlete again, I am training again, I am able to confidently and pridefully describe my accomplishments. I am able to coach children the lessons of football and hopefully have an impact on their life. I am more than anything me again. The past 4 days made me realize what a difficult journey I have been through but I am without question a stronger person for going through it.

Diabetes had taken more than my insulin away, it was trying to take a big part of me away. While I still fight my blood sugars and figure out the right basal pattern I know that the biggest struggle is behind me. There may be days when I am high and there may be days when I am low but in the end diabetes will never again be able to take away who I am and what I believe in. For all those who I may have hurt in the year before I was diagnosed I apologize. But I promsie you and I promise msyelf that battle has been won.