This is going to be painful

For the first time since my first triathlon I have doubts not about my blood sugars but about my fitness level heading into a race. I've prepared as well as time would allow but working for a start-up, moving to a new city, and well in general living life have greatly conflicted with triathlon training. I have real concerns about a DNF for the firs time I can remember. I don't doubt that I can cover the distance of a half-iron, I've been there, done that. What I worry is that by the time I reach the run my legs will be so fried that I won't be able to move and a 6+ hour half-iron just isn't my idea of a good time. I've proven to myself everything I could have ever asked for; I now race for fun and enjoyment - but is that possible when life has so greatly interfered with my ability to train?

I've put in between 10 and 13 hours a week of training for this race, I've gone on a few bike rides of more than 55 miles, a bunch of weekend runs of 10+ miles and have gotten in some ok swims. The last time I had the opportunity to do a brick workout was some 2+ months ago and I've maybe hit 2 or 3 double workouts in a day over the past month and 1/2. At times I've been functioning on 4 hours of sleep and poor nutrition and other times I'll forget to drink water at work. Essentially, I've transitioned from a grad school student who had it made to a guy working his butt off to make it all over again. Kudos to all of you out there who have balanced life with triathlon for so long!

I honestly don't know what to expect going into Saturday. Part of me wants to bail on the race and just drink wine. Part of me says go out in a blaze of glory and just hammer the bike. Yet still part of me says go out there and race like a rational triathlete that has fitness even if its not to the point I'd like it to be.

I drove up to Lake Bayressa to ride the course on Sunday. I cut off an 8 mile out and back and did the 40 miles in about 2 hours. Not bad for a training ride but I have no clue if I can run after. Bricks take something I don't have right now, time. I have serious doubts going into this race after leaving CDA with so much excitement and anticipation for continuing to improve in the sport. I'm 4 pounds lighter than I was at CDA; have been running faster for distance than I ever have before and have been doing great on my days on the bike. At this point I just don't know if I can put it all together on race day and if I have the fitness to even put myself in position to do well. I can hold it together and push through but I was ecstatic last year when I finally turned the corner and was able to compete, not gut it out. Saturday might be another one of those painful days that takes me a bunch of steps back instead of a step or two forward - guess we'll see.....